Ugghhh, there are times when I hate being a girl. Or woman. Or female. Not for the obvious reasons either. I love being logical. When the world fits into perfect order and makes sense. Men tend to be more logical than women. I appreciate this quality in men. I appreciate this quality in myself. It keeps me grounded and content. It's when the illogical emotions come into play that I am upended onto my rear. Then I'm grumpy. Then I question whether I would rather not be a girl that day.
My grumpiness tonight stems from men calling or not calling. It's totally illogical to be grumpy when a guy doesn't call you and happy when he does. To be irrational, thinking he may or may not call. Going over reasons why the phone doesn't ring.
I am almost positive that men don't do this. They call or don't call. The ball is in their court. The power rests with them. It might not occur for them to call. Women can do the calling, but it inevitably drives the guy away. No matter how old fashioned it sounds, guys like to be the pursuer. If you don't let yourself be pursued, then the guy loses interest.
I have this constant struggle within myself where men are concerned. Maybe that's why I am so bad at dating. And still single. I hesitate to get too interested in a guy, afraid of the rejection, but then I don't act interested enough and he stops calling. I can tell when I'm interested because I have the urge to run. As fast and as far as I can. I start thinking of all the possible ways that I can meet other guys, so that I'm unavailable for the one that I'm interested in. Talk about self sabotage. I guess the good news is that I finally recognize this fatal flaw in myself. I'm trying to tear down the walls I've built around myself. They're just impossibly high, so it takes some time to reach the upper bricks to start the demolition.
As you've probably surmised, Mr. eH is totally freaking me out right now. We've only been on two dates, so I'm really, really trying not to be overly dramatic about the whole thing. On our second date, I was constantly surprised how his thoughts on life and the world matched mine. He could finish my explanations about how I felt about things. I've never experienced that to this extent before. He's comfortable to be around. I know that I shouldn't freak out and that it's really important to just go with the flow right now. I shouldn't wish that he would call and be disappointed if he doesn't. Ugghhhh......And I shouldn't say I "should" do anything.
3 comments:
How is it you always say the exact thoughts I have in my head? Sadly, I am too scared to let them out for fear I have to admit to them. So good for you!! I am the exact way with a guy unfortunately.
Why do we run, when it is what we want most in the world?!?!
Just keep it cool with this guy and let it play out. I know sometimes it is more easier said than done. But be strong girl!! Love ya!
I sometimes don't like being a girl either, but then I consider the alternative and I think I really got the better of the two options. :o)
Have you ever read "He's Just Not That Into You"? I'm not saying he's not interested--not at all--just that reading that book helped me find more inner peace on the matter. It brought me to a more zen-like state, if I may say so. I have it if you want to borrow it, and I've also edited it so it is much more reader-friendly for LDS folk.
In the meantime, it's not illogical or irrational to worry. Just remember you are worth it, and if any guy doesn't see that, he's not worth your time.
You girls are the best! I must say that I have extremely good taste in friends.
I'm fairly certain I know why I run. I think every woman who does that has to figure it out for herself. Once you know why you do it, it is easier to stop yourself before you do. I was past 30 before I realized why, so I recommend figuring it out before then. :-)
Betty, I think I should read that book again. I forgot that I owned it. I'd love to see how you edited your copy. There's stuff in there that's just not relevant for LDS folk.
I'm still working on my skills of not freaking out when he is into me. Rather than be a psych major in college, I should have been the experiment. ;-)
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